女人男人女人

阿B又有關於男女之別的email:

女人天職:美麗女人迷死男人;放蕩女人爽死男人;溫柔女人愛死男人;才華女人勾死男人;有錢女人玩死男人;有權女人制死男人;女人的天職就是整死男人!

女人標准:好女人:有丈夫有情人;壞女人:有情人沒丈夫;墮落女人:沒情人沒丈夫但不缺男人;孤獨女人:只有丈夫但等于沒男人。

感歎女人:漂亮的不下廚房;能下廚房的不溫柔;溫柔的沒主見;有主見的沒女人味;有女人味的亂花錢;不亂花錢的不時尚;時尚的不放心;放心的沒法看!

感歎男人:有才華的長的太醜;長得帥的掙錢不夠;掙錢多的不顧發妻;太顧家的沒啥出息;有出息的不懂浪漫;會浪漫的沒安全感;有安全感的沒有趣味,家裏家外一個窩囊廢!

足夠女人:做女人要足夠賢惠、足夠聰穎、足夠純情、足夠細膩、足夠溫柔、足夠優雅、足夠嬌羞、足夠身材、足夠氣質、足夠清秀,這樣才是十足好女人。

女人八想:一想上網免費;二想年輕十歲;三想上班不累;四想帥哥排隊;五想無所不會;六想海吃不肥;七想衣服不貴;八想紅杏出牆無罪。

新女性五個一工程:獻身一位領導權當靠山;傍著一位老板花錢好辦;團結一位警察保證平安;玩弄一位醫生看病不難;迷惑一位帥哥偷腥解讒。

女人謹記:吃好喝好玩好睡好,一旦把咱自己累死了,別的女人會花咱攢的錢,住咱買的房,戴咱的首飾,上咱的床,睡咱出徒的老公,泡咱精選的情郎,還打罵咱生的娃!

了解女人:勤勞的女人看手就知道,聰明的女人看眼睛就知道,有錢的女人看脖子就知道,熱情的女人看嘴就知道,完美的女人,看你就知道。

新唯物論:沒老公沒情人=廢物;有老公沒情人=植物;一個老公一個情人=人物;一個老公幾個情人=寵物;分不清老公情人=怪物;沒老公只有情人=動物。

女人和他們:不會欣賞我的人無知;讓我傷心的人傻瓜;讓我溜走的人笨蛋;喜歡我的人有眼光;讓我開心的人了不起;能和我做夫妻的人幸福!

現代美女:三圍魔鬼化,收入白領化,家務甩手化,快樂日常化,愛情持久化,情調小資化,購物瘋狂化,情人規模化!

女人價值:漂亮女人是金子,漂亮女人是鑽石,聰明女人是寶藏,可愛女人是名畫。做女人就要努力做世界上最大的寶藏,裏面裝滿金子鑽石名畫。

同眠女人:和美女睡,如癡如醉;和醜女睡,傷神倒胃; 和 小姐睡,價錢太貴;和同事睡,節約小費;和情人睡,有滋有味;和猛女睡,精力不沛;和老婆睡,永遠無味!

定義:什麽是異性朋友?該說的說,不該說的不說;什麽是紅顔知己?無話不說;什麽是情人?無話不說,無事不做;什麽是老婆?話懶得說,事懶得做。

老婆:一定要經得起謊言,受得起敷衍,忍得住欺騙,忘得了諾言,最後用笑來僞裝淚眼。甯願相信世上有鬼,也不要相信男人那張破嘴! 

好女人:好女人是山,端莊大方;好女人是水,柔情綿綿;好女人是書,滿腔智慧;好女人是港,安全可靠! 

不必:女人不必太美,只要有人深愛;女人不必太富,只要過的幸福;女人不必太強,只要活得尊貴!

女人的悲哀:成績是上司的;收入是商場的;獎金是化妝品的;財産是孩子的;生命是廚房的;身體是男人的;只有雀斑和皺紋是自己的。   

Thoughts from Men’s hearts

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom;  the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

‘Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today is the luckiest day of my life …’   Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,  ‘My daughter finally,  finally returned my Credit Card to me.’

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . .   But
not the poor Groom ! ! ! And  now  the  Best  one. . . . .

Thought 4

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,  ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.  He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted,  ‘Stop !  Stand still !  If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.’

The man did as he was instructed,  just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.  The man asked. ‘Who are you?’

‘I am your guardian angel,’ the voice answered.

‘Oh, yeah?’  the man said  ‘And where the Hell were you when I got
married?’

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